As of June 29, 2017, after 16 years and 20 days of marriage, I became a single lady once again. It was a long ten month journey that came to a close. A new chapter in my life began.
When I realized that my marriage was falling apart, I was a mess, life as I knew it was no longer. I was fearful of being alone, doing everything on my own, and raising two teenage boys with an absent father. Before I knew it my fear turned into strength, I welcomed the time I spent by myself, the things that I got to do with my boys without any of the drama. It was a new life, I was finally happy. Sometimes you don't realize how unhappy you were until you find happiness.
Not to say that everything has been a breeze, there were some bumps in the road and mountains to climb. But the boys and I have made it this far and we are just fine.
My ex-husband (feels good to finally say that) moved out in March of 2016 and I began dating in July. I knew my marriage was over long before that night in March, but I wanted to try and salvage the 15 years that we had spent building a life together. In June 2016, I made the decision to get a divorce. Once my decision was made there was no looking back for me. I knew that I had done everything within my power to save our marriage.
That is when I started talking to Brian. He was a longtime friend who was adventurous, wanted to take me to do fun things, he was just sweet to me. Looking back, I see the signs and know what to look for in the future. When I refer to him as a Narcissistic Sociopath, I do not use that term loosely. I'm talking controlling behavior, lying, faking a car accident, going out into the ocean in attempt to drown himself because I no longer wanted to be with him, sending me random gifts and trying to make me think it was either one of my inmates or the neighbor behind my house who he swore stared at me through my sliding glass door in my bedroom. Dude was legit CRAZY! He finally stopped contacting me when I filed for a restraining order. He is someone I hope to never see again.
I went a few months without dating and realized that I missed having a companion, someone to have fun with, someone to come home to. I decided to try out a dating site for single parents. I met Jaysson, he didn't have any children of his own. When I asked him why he was on the site if he didn't have kids he said that children didn't deter him and he was never able to have any of his own. Fair enough. One of the points on my dating profile states no criminal records. Come to find out he had 3 DUIs and during the time we were dating he proved that he hadn't learned his lesson. Huge turn off and disappointment for me. For that and other reasons, I stopped dating him.
Within a week I met Tino. We started texting for a couple weeks before meeting, we had great conversation, and when we finally met, we talked for hours over drinks and appetizers. Over the first couple weeks we spent 3 nights (dinners, etc.) together each week. One weekend he invited me to Orange County to a family party where I met his family. It was all moving so fast but I really enjoyed spending time with him. We had similar interests, sat out on his patio by the pool and sang songs together. We really clicked...so I thought. He said we needed to take things slowly...um hello!! He just took me to meet his family and introduced me as his "girl". He was just too confusing to me, so I stopped talking to him. Still don't know where that all came from.
Shortly after, I met CJ on the same site as Jaysson and Tino. We also texted for quite some time before meeting. He made me feel so alive again. He was supportive through the time my grandmother was dying. He said all the right things, made me feel like he was the one. After about a month, things changed and haven't been the same. Its been 3 months since I started to get to know him. We have had some deep conversations but he doesn't give me the attentiveness and time that I deserve, which is interesting because I don't ask for much. He keeps pulling me back in and I have no one to blame but myself, I allow it. As long as I allow it, he will do it.
The dating world is tough. I always second guess myself and wonder if it's me. Heck, it could be but I am who I am. If someone wants to be with me, they have to accept all of me. I want to be someone's one and only, not just when it is convenient to them. On that note, I am headed off to bed!
When I realized that my marriage was falling apart, I was a mess, life as I knew it was no longer. I was fearful of being alone, doing everything on my own, and raising two teenage boys with an absent father. Before I knew it my fear turned into strength, I welcomed the time I spent by myself, the things that I got to do with my boys without any of the drama. It was a new life, I was finally happy. Sometimes you don't realize how unhappy you were until you find happiness.
Not to say that everything has been a breeze, there were some bumps in the road and mountains to climb. But the boys and I have made it this far and we are just fine.
My ex-husband (feels good to finally say that) moved out in March of 2016 and I began dating in July. I knew my marriage was over long before that night in March, but I wanted to try and salvage the 15 years that we had spent building a life together. In June 2016, I made the decision to get a divorce. Once my decision was made there was no looking back for me. I knew that I had done everything within my power to save our marriage.
That is when I started talking to Brian. He was a longtime friend who was adventurous, wanted to take me to do fun things, he was just sweet to me. Looking back, I see the signs and know what to look for in the future. When I refer to him as a Narcissistic Sociopath, I do not use that term loosely. I'm talking controlling behavior, lying, faking a car accident, going out into the ocean in attempt to drown himself because I no longer wanted to be with him, sending me random gifts and trying to make me think it was either one of my inmates or the neighbor behind my house who he swore stared at me through my sliding glass door in my bedroom. Dude was legit CRAZY! He finally stopped contacting me when I filed for a restraining order. He is someone I hope to never see again.
I went a few months without dating and realized that I missed having a companion, someone to have fun with, someone to come home to. I decided to try out a dating site for single parents. I met Jaysson, he didn't have any children of his own. When I asked him why he was on the site if he didn't have kids he said that children didn't deter him and he was never able to have any of his own. Fair enough. One of the points on my dating profile states no criminal records. Come to find out he had 3 DUIs and during the time we were dating he proved that he hadn't learned his lesson. Huge turn off and disappointment for me. For that and other reasons, I stopped dating him.
Within a week I met Tino. We started texting for a couple weeks before meeting, we had great conversation, and when we finally met, we talked for hours over drinks and appetizers. Over the first couple weeks we spent 3 nights (dinners, etc.) together each week. One weekend he invited me to Orange County to a family party where I met his family. It was all moving so fast but I really enjoyed spending time with him. We had similar interests, sat out on his patio by the pool and sang songs together. We really clicked...so I thought. He said we needed to take things slowly...um hello!! He just took me to meet his family and introduced me as his "girl". He was just too confusing to me, so I stopped talking to him. Still don't know where that all came from.
Shortly after, I met CJ on the same site as Jaysson and Tino. We also texted for quite some time before meeting. He made me feel so alive again. He was supportive through the time my grandmother was dying. He said all the right things, made me feel like he was the one. After about a month, things changed and haven't been the same. Its been 3 months since I started to get to know him. We have had some deep conversations but he doesn't give me the attentiveness and time that I deserve, which is interesting because I don't ask for much. He keeps pulling me back in and I have no one to blame but myself, I allow it. As long as I allow it, he will do it.
The dating world is tough. I always second guess myself and wonder if it's me. Heck, it could be but I am who I am. If someone wants to be with me, they have to accept all of me. I want to be someone's one and only, not just when it is convenient to them. On that note, I am headed off to bed!
Comments
Post a Comment